Out with the old and in with the new....year

A new year is ominously looming in front of me and it is time to decide where I see myself this time next year.

What do I want to accomplish over the next 12 months?

I have two new year's resolutions so far. Number one is to lose a stone.

It is my best friend's wedding at the end of May, so the more I can lose at the start of the year the better. I intend to eat healthily, use my Wii fit as much as possible and, here's the bit that will probably fall at the first hurdle, go for a nice long jog every Saturday morning. I don't think that I'll end up doing that on week one, which is a tragic thing for me to admit.

Second resolution is quite lovely really. It is to do something that makes me happy every day. What this may be and how it will be done, I do not know, but it is my intention to do it all the same.

2011 was a good year for me, in fact I do not think there was one thing I have done that I was not proud of (I did get rather drunk quite a few times, but I do not regret getting drunk).

I moved in with my boyfriend, got a full time job, got a better full time job and bought myself some beautiful shoes throughout the year, despite the boyfriend's disapproval on the height of some of my heels.

It's the same thing every year at this time, people look back and try to remember the good things. In fact, the boyfriend just turned to me and asked me my favourite film of the year (we have special cinema cards so we go a lot), his was Transformers 3, I cannot agree with him as I fell asleep half way through. It is unlike me to fall asleep in the cinema as it is so darn cold, but something about those 3D glasses makes my eyes droop. My favourite film, in case you were wondering, was not Pirates of the Caribbean as I predicted it to be, it was The Fighter.

2011 will be a tough year to beat, but I am going to shoot for Pluto. It will all start Saturday night at my friend's party. As soon as midnight hits, there will be no fatty foods passing my lips, and nothing but vodka and soda water to drink (apparently this is almost calorie free).


I wish you all the best of luck with your resolutions, and my fingers are crossed that I go for that first jog on the 7th January.

What Not To Wear

When I wrote my first blog many moons ago, I was going to be stylist to the stars, now? I am a marketing assistant for a multi-million pound company and I have not styled one person! Well, maybe one? I advised my sister not to buy a top the other day? Maybe that counts.

My point is, although I absolutely love my new job, I have strayed from my passion. I need to see my adoration of fashion as separate from my adoration of my snazzy new job.

Every Saturday I get blue (in fact, as I type this I am sporting a rather nautical look in navy and cream, literally blue), the boyfriend goes to work first thing, goes to town to place his bets, goes to football and then goes to THE BARN! I hate THE BARN! Perhaps I hate it more because I live in Somerset and the mere word 'barn' sounds atrocious in the broad farmer accent. There is no longer an A in the word barn when it is spoken by a Somersetian. I have been there maybe 3 times since I have been with the boyfriend and each time I question why I have joined him. It never seemed that bad when I was a sticker upper for my mum's skittles team. Maybe it's because they were paying me to be there?

August to May, I become single again every Saturday. I believe they call it a football widow? I have begun meeting up with friends I cannot see in the week, getting my hair done and, most fun of all, doing housework! Bleugh! Today, I have made the executive decision to get a hobby for my Saturdays. It is not going to be drinking wine as I lovingly told the boyfriend this morning at 12, justifying the fact I was sat watching a movie with a rather large glass of the stuff beside me. My hobby is going to be styling... if I can get the notion off the ground.

I have decided that Gok has it right, and Trinny & Susannah before him, telling people what to wear is brilliant (especially when you saw the horrific women I saw Thursday night outside the supermarket). I have read numerous books by numerous people, and I can verify that there are several key pieces that every women should have in her wardrobe, with the essentials, you can look fabulous no matter what.

I am going to start with myself. Please find below several pictures of me wearing the incorrect clothes for my body shape (trust me, there have been more). Every week, I will demonstrate how one key item of clothing can be worn with various outfits to create entire new looks. You will never be tagged in the same outfit twice.

If you like what I do, you can then tell me your shopping budget, and send me pictures of yourself so I can determine your body shape, and I will send you links to your brand new wardrobe. What do I get in return? You must send me pics of you in your new ensembles to blog about to get others to do the same. If you live close enough, I will even take you shopping!

Good idea? I hope so. I need a project ass Saturdays suck so much that I wish I was in work (it does help that j'adore my job).

As promised...

Strapless and no tights? Too much skin, plus an unflattering shaped dress



Just because you're fat, do not wear over sized clothes!



You can still look stylish and be warm in the snow.



If you have broad shoulders, do not wear a one shoulder dress.

NB Looking through my fashion faux pas, I can now see just how much weight I have lost. My gosh I did not realise how bad I was.

Hilarious or Delirious?

For your information the skirt looked fabulous! I wore it during my first week in the new job and I felt amazing. Fearne Cotton you do me proud!

Well, I finally feel like I am on the right path to careerdom! So I've taken a slightly different route to my original plan, but if I get the most from this secondment, I am hoping I will have the experience to get me anywhere! I'm thinking if I can launch a trade store successfully within the M25, I can launch a new Topshop state side! Phillip Green I am talking to you!

I cannot believe that today is a Saturday and I am awake at this ungodly hour! Not impressed. Truth be told, I have been up since the boyfriend left for work at half 5. What is wrong with me?

The truth of it is that I have not been feeling well at all for the past couple of days. The boyfriend thinks I have dysentry, I'm just impressed he knew such a big word, especially after he told me he was "ambistuous"! I will tell you now that the word he was looking for was ambidextrous, as he proudly demonstrated he could hammer a nail with either hand. Whatever bug it was that made me violently vomit the teeniest sip of water, it made me sleep forever so, now that I am feeling better, I no longer need sleep.

The benefit from me being so well slept, is that yes, I have had lots of beauty sleep so am radiant as ever in my pink dressing gown, but more importantly, I am on the ball when it comes to wit (well so I think).

For example, I am talking to a friend via the book of face and mention that I am contemplating going on a run to sweat out the bad toxins left in my body, he replies that it is wiser for me to do a walk instead as I don't want to exhaust myself if I have been ill. Now, here comes the moment when I realise that I am a comedy genius.....

"Yeah, you're right, I don't want to run before I can walk!"

Pauses for laughter and much side splitting!



A teeny glimpse of the only complete
room of my home. My dressing room!

 Now that I have a man, the beginning of a career, and somewhere to live, it is time for me to dive head first into the project of making this house a home. It is no longer a hole for boys to live, but shall be fit for a princess, and not just any princess like that Kate Middleton, no, it must be suitable for ME.

Checklist for completion is as follows. Shared bedroom needs lighting, pictures for the walls and maybe a new duvet. Kitchen just needs a new floor. Lounge, as previously mentioned, needs a lick of paint (colour now decided is 'Gooseberry Fool 3', I feel it is apt for the boy who resides there playing Champ Man), a telly unit, a coffe table, lamps, a picture for the wall and a rug. The bathroom? Burn it!

Before I can take my bag for life down to Ikea though, we have the expenditures of annual MOTs for the car and the cats.

One of the 500,000 pictures I took on
the date of destruction! *Sobs a lot*

I don't know if you're aware, but I recently scrapped my first car. My only car. Yes, that car has seen me through many milestones. It was there for my 18th, my 21st, all through uni, when I moved to Henstridge from the house that I grew up in, it drove me to my first date with the boyfriend, and it spent its last months parked outside the house I now live in with that boyfriend. Needless to say, there were tears. From half past one in the afternoon when I cleared my posessions out of her, until five o'clock when I had to put my friend's needs above my loss. I learnt the boyfriend is fond of when I cry as it shows that I am sentimental and girly (apparently), but is harbouring not so secret concerns about the day when someone dies and the tears won't stop and I am inconsolable (new tupperware will not make me crawl from that kind of hysteria).



Speaking of terrible loss, my friend informed me a couple of weeks ago that her family dog passed away. The boyfriend was at work when I received the news, so was not present when I cried over that one. She lovingly felt the need to tell me after seeing the shock I was in when our other friend's dog had passed while I was at uni. Honest to Topshop I was left open mouthed that day.



I returned from uni and visited Mele, one of her dogs was happily yapping around my feet and I asked the question "Where's Pip?" The answer left me stunned and somewhat tearful.



This is the only problem with dogs, they become such a part of the family that they leave such a hole when they go (and not just in the garden) they cannot be replaced. I remember when I first met Jet (the doggy that passed recently), my best friend's dad had this adroable black puppy in his arms as he came to collect Laura from Brownies.



This is what they don't tell you! They say "A dog is for life, not just for Christmas". They fail to say that it is the dog's life and not yours. It is extremely misleading. However, I have now decided that if I am this emotional when pets of my friends go to heaven, I no longer want one. The boyfriend will be delighted that the answer to "What do you want for Christmas/Birthday/Valentines Day/Easter/tea? ?" The answer will no longer be a puppy, that response is truly me saying "I would like 15 years of happiness and then another 15 years of an extreme feeling of loss!"

I have the boyfriend's cats to make me feel loved and they truly do. Nigel follows me around the house constantly and Dave chews my hair whilst I am asleep! That is unconditional love right there! 


Please note that the images your eyes are marvelling today, have been made possible by Ottis. Thanks for the compatible camera cable (now repeat that quickly three times, it's challenging and fun).

Enjoy 





Lost in Transit

Just three more days until I start the new job. Excited? Yes. Nervous? Hell yes. Prepared? As I'm ever gonna be.

The prospect of starting this new job is so exciting to me, yet I am terrified as I need to prove myself in this position as I never have in a job before. Honestly, every job I have had, since my very first one at the tender age of 15 in a cheese/sandwich shop, all I have needed is good customer service. Well, in eight short years of working these various customer related jobs, I think I have mastered it, though, as I have said before, my skill for accessorising, perhaps made me most suited to the role at Wallis, rather than perhaps my role at Tesco (any food produce advice given, would have been highly uninformed). This new job? Daunting!

I have however, already decided on various first day outfits to wear, weather depending. First impressions are everything, and although I am fond of my neon yellow mini skirt, especially since I caught the sun on my legs, I don't think it is appropriate for Head Office.

I am however mourning the loss of a mail ordered skirt. When my mother lovingly ordered me brand new crockery for my beautifully coordinated kitchen, she also ordered me a beautiful maxi skirt (intended for work wear to make my new colleagues see me as a fashion forward professional). The crockery arrived promptly and in tact, the skirt however remains in a black hole somewhere as, when my mother chased its whereabouts, she was told it was delivered with the dinner wear. Dang it, this entire time I have been using my beautiful skirt as a cereal bowl, I think not! When she states that we never received it and wish to be sent another, it is now OUT OF STOCK! Not pleased. Mum referred to the driver as a tea leaf (crazy cockney). When
I saw him I could not imagine him in a pink and grey skirt, but his wife may be a very happy lady. I just hope that it is too small for her and cuts into her muffin tops! Bitter? Me? Of course not.

In other news, last Friday was an occasion to celebrate. I have officially been in a relationship for an entire year! That's right, I have tamed the self-proclaimed 'Lone Wolf' and to celebrate we took a trip to Alton Towers. Romantic right? It was immense! Except for the 4.15 early rise and the effort and care that went into making me photo ready at that time of the morning, it was an enjoyable trip. We did it all, starting at universal fave Nemesis and ending on creepy, nausea encouraging Hex, it was a long day, mostly sunny with brief showers (some not meteorically induced, thanks v. much log flume!).

What does one wear to a Theme Park for the day? This was a difficult one as I was awake before the weather so I had to dress for various instances. I settled for skinny leg chinos, teamed with a black vest top with a loose fitting denim shirt over the top to take off the chill, but easily bundled into a bag if the sun became tan worthy. My first error in getting ready for the day? Flip flops. Being dragged backwards on Air causes intense pressure on your toes as you squeeze them tightly together to keep your ill advised footwear choice on your feet. My second error? Hairspray. I now sport a hairstyle which requires daily upkeep and large amounts of hair products to keep it voluminous and lustrous. That cursed log flume lead to me being soaked and the spray in my hair drying in a rather crunchy manner making me looking like an elderly lady with far too much hair lacquer upon my bonce! Not happy.

Luckily for me, the photographic evidence of this outrageous hair disaster is trapped on the camera. It has become apparent to me that I must not lend things to my boyfriend as they never return complete. Yes his original intentions were lovely, I absolutely adored receiving a picture of the two of us complete in a frame for my birthday back in February, however, in developing the photos from MY camera, the connection lead must have ende up int same black hole as my skirt, as I have not developed a photo since.

After impressing everyone in my new job, my next project is the lounge. The kitchen floor is on stand by and the new carpet for the stairs is in storage. I have big ideas for the lounge, starting with a delightful carpet and a fresh lick of paint to the boring magnolia walls. I know my colour choice for the walls, though am torn between 'Wooden Spoon' and 'Highland Falls 3', I have not yet decided on accents. I am finding that this is proving difficult as the boyfriend will not decide on what kind of wood he would like the new telly unit and coffee table to be. Needless to say, I am not a fan of the current pine TV unit we have. It has a glass panel in the front so all technology can be seen in it's tangled wiry mess, and it is a dated Orange pine that is highly varnished. I will forgive his dated tastes though as he is five entire years older than me and does not have my natural panache for the interior design.

What I need is to receive my first slightly increased pay check so that I can say "My money, my design". He is still warming to the kitchen which has been transformed from yellow to tasteful shades of teal and lime green to match his already present tiles. I am nothing if accommodating, the whole principle of my lounge is based around the tones of his sofas (which are the second best thing that already existed at his house, first best thing is obviously the boyfriend).

On that slightly sickeningly smitten note, I will bid adieu and continue perusing the Internet for beautifully cheap lounge furniture.

*before hitting the 'Publish Post' button, I was interrupted by the boyfriends mate collecting a decorating pole, which had remained unnoticed for the last three hours since I arrived home. As I answered the door to him he commented "You've got a parcel or something lodged in the hedge there," I look on in astonishment. The elusive skirt had indeed been lodged in the hedge at the side of our footpath for almost two weeks. Once again, I am unobservant. Now to go and try it on.

It's Been a While

When I wrote my first blog, I had aspirations of being a real life Carrie Bradshaw, but life got in the way...just a tad!

At the end of last year, I made the decision to get a full time job. I had become so complacent at Wallis that I was satisfied working 16 hours for basically no money, just because I got to work with people I got on with and around numerous clothes, telling people what to wear for a job. Accessorising was my forte and I was good at it. Then my boyfriend's lodger voiced that he was going to move out and my boyfriend voiced that he didn't want a new lodger, but wanted me to live there instead. Well, neither of us could have afforded to do that on my old wage so, against my better nature, I settled for a full time job, answering the phones to people buying power tools!

Out of character? Yes, but let's look at the brilliant aspects of this new career choice. I am being paid more than previously, working 40 hours a week, talking on the phone all day long. A perfect job for some one like me who finds it difficult to shut up. Now, after just three months of working there, I am looking to progress to a job more suited to my skills. As I write this, I am awaiting news as to whether or not, I have got a job in head office at the same company as a marketing assistant. I would love it! Honestly, when they told me I had a second interview I let out a squeal of delight. Maybe slightly unprofessional, but it was like Simon Cowell had told me I had made it through to the judges houses!

Further to this, I am now living with the boyfriend and facing what it is to be a grown up. I like to think he's grown a little bit too (mainly because he is an inch shorter than me). What I really mean is that he no longer takes his washing to his mum's house. Nope, that is now my job. To my dismay however, not satisfied with me doing his washing and ironing, he came home from work the other day and said, "Can I ask you a question without you going off on one?" Me? Go off on one? Never! He continues, "When you do the ironing, could you iron my pants too?" ...Enter my expletive response here...

As for my never blogging? I am finding it difficult to connect my laptop to the boyfriend's Internet, and though he has a computer, his is connected to the television and his keyboard leaves a lot to be desired. There may be a few grammatical, or spelling errors in this and this is due to the simple fact that I have to hit the keys so hard that, this far in, my finger tips are bleeding!

The other thing is of course that I have less time on my hands on account of more than doubling my working hours, and not being able to ue the computer when football is on, which I am now learning is ALL THE TIME! Thanks very much Sky Sports. I have only found time now as the boyfriend is at his mate's house playing computer games. What was I saying about him growing up?

The burning question on all of your lips however, is likely to be, "What of the Von Trapp curtain dress that was destined for London Fashion Week?" Honestly? It was 'Von Crap'! I had dreams of a beautifully fitting elegant dress, with a shallow scoop neck, a low back and a knee skimming tight, pencil skirted bottom. The skirt part went magnificently, the top was ridiculous. For a long time now I have considered myself to have ample bosom, well I may have over estimated this by not one, not two, but TEN cup sizes! This dress is perfect for Jordan, should she decide that pastel yellow floral embossed dresses formerly known as curtains, are the 'in' thing.

The attempt, as it can only be referred to, remains in the bottom of my wardrobe at my parent's house, and the sewing machine has not been used since. Not because I am disheartened by my futile attempts to be Vivienne Westwood, but because I am now living in a much smaller house, so there simply isn't the room for my beautifully kitch sewing machine.

Despite this, I do believe that you would be proud of me if you only saw the dressing room I have made of the ex-lodger's lodgings! It is Laura Ashley perfect!

Complaints and Curtains

I think that it is about time for my new project. Yes I have turned a dress into a cushion, but what about a pair of curtains into a dress? Think of it as Golightly meets Von Trapp. It shall be as classic as Audrey Hepburn but at the end of the day it will be made from a pair of curtains, donated by my boyfriend, he's not too thrilled with my plan.

I am going to assume that this is going to be a much harder task than my first as I must use proper measurements if I intend to wear it. Despite this, I will take on the challenge as soon as I remember to take the curtains out of my boyfriend's bedroom and into my own. Must probably add here that these curtains are no longer in use, I am not literally taking the curtains from his window leaving his bedroom exposed to seagull eyes. Nope, they have been replaced with a stylish chocolate coloured pair, on my advice of course.

Pictures of my masterpiece will definitely follow. I cannot leave this project undocumented.

I cleared out my wardrobe yesterday. I was the most ruthless I have ever been, yet my wardrobe is still full of clothes. Both my mother and my boyfriend feel that it is because I buy too many. My boyfriend even referred to me as a "secret shopaholic", my response was that it is certainly no secret. However, when I thought about it in depth for an entire 5 minutes, I deduced that I am not addicted to shopping, but just owning new clothes. Carly from work donated me two cardigans that she no longer wears and I was just as excited by those as I would have been about two brand new cardigans.

I have decided that I will prove that I am a clothesaholic rather than a shopaholic in the completion of my dress formerly known as curtains.

While I think about shopping, it must be said, that after four years of working with Wallis, I am resigning to move into a swanky new full time job. I will still be selling, but I will be away from fashion retail. Very sad face. However, I am super excited about starting the new job and being away from the prying eyes of Mary Porter and her secret shoppers.

That's right, they're everywhere. It was brought to my attention at work that on Mary Porter's website there is a page dedicated to the general public and there comments on customer service they have received. The first thing that occurred to me was that people are quicker to comment on bad customer service than good. Let's be honest, who has ever turned to a friend and said, "I went shopping today and the man in Tesco was really nice to me"? I haven't. In fact, it goes the other way too.

Case and point? Whilst at work one day I received a phone call from a customer looking for a particular item of clothing. Here is how the conversation went as follows:

Customer - I was wondering if you had a black knitted dress with ribbing?

Me - It doesn't sound like anything we have on the shop floor, can you tell me anything else about it?

Customer - Well I know you have it, I saw it yesterday. I have the line number.

She proceeds to tell me the line number, I mishear a nine for a one so am wrong when I repeat it back to her, this does not impress her.
I go away and find the jumper and put it on hold for her.

To this day, I believe that the customer asked the wrong question from the start. She should have said, "I saw a knitted dress in your store yesterday I was wondering if you still had my size?" That way it would have been easier for me to determine which one she could have possibly meant.

In this story though, it is not the actual incident that is my point. My point is that the following day, this is the story I decided to tell Amanda. Of all the customers I had served the previous day, all of the customers who were a joy to serve, this one was the one that I remembered enough to tell Amanda about. You can probably guess where this is going, the customer was in the shop to collect her jumper and overheard me slagging her off for being rude. She told me that she had found me rude on the phone. Not one to embarrass easily, I went and fetched the jumper for her and let Amanda process the sale.

Woopsy Daisy!

I'm a seamstress not a miliner you goon!

Floral prints are absolutely everywhere at the moment. Although Cath Kidston is never out of fashion, handicraft florals are the rage. In fact, it is a trend that even Wallis are following at the moment, unusual for them to get the right trend at the right time, but they have seemingly nailed it this season.

My point? I love florals and girlishness and lace. It is a trend I can definitely get on board, I just don't have the finances at the moment to splash out on the latest pieces. I figured, being the hoarder that I am, that I am bound to have something appropriate in my wardrobe. I was right. I have numerous dresses with simple flowery designs covering from seam to seam. One River Island dress that I loved in particular, as it was not only bold florals, but it was covered in tastefully placed sequins too. Ooh I love the sparkle! So I tried it on. Here is where I should add that I have recently lost weight. Not a great amount, but enough to mean that some garments from my past no longer suit. This dress was one of them!

Previously the dress looked like this. Like I said, I was bigger then. This time when I tried it on it was frumpy and loose all over, the neckline was far too low so that if I had chosen to wear it everyone would have seen boobage. I was disappointed to say the least, despite the confidence boost from how skinny I've obviously become!

In an attempt to grasp every opportunity by its metaphorical balls, I began to think. I began to think that here was an opportunity for me to use the sewing machine I bought for myself for the first time. That's right, three months after awarding myself with a gift, I will put it to use! This now frumpy dress was going to have a new life as a cushion!

It was an arduous task. Mainly because the dress had an awkward lining that had to be removed. Nothing at all to do with the fact that I have never sewn anything before in my life. Seriously, I ask my dad to sew on missing buttons for me. Well no more.

I cut and pinned and placed and finally sewed! Ok, so it isn't what I would consider "shop ready" but for a first ever attempt I am pretty pleased with it. It is obviously a cushion and it is the first Scarlotte original piece.

Here is where I should announce that I have already devised my own brand. Scarlotte. It makes sense, trust me.

So here it is, in all its glory. My cushion!

I bet you're all pretty impressed right now!

22 and eleven twelfths.

I never thought that turning 23 would be scary. It's not considered old at all. Having said that, I am tired of having to consider what I have already accomplished and what I am yet to.

So what if I still live with my parents? So what if I haven't pinned down my dream job yet? I consider myself to be on the right track. I have my degree and I have my ambition, all I need now is opportunity. Where do you find opportunity? "Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon 'em".* I must be one of those set to achieve greatness. This is my starting point.

I purchased myself a sewing machine before Christmas. It is humble and inexpensive, but I hope it will teach me tricks of the trade. Yes I know what top must be worn with what skirt and what colour must never ever be worn with another colour, but it means nothing without the practical knowledge behind it.

For years I have influenced the fashion choices of my friends. Just ask Cherry, who would wear an ill fitting t-shirt sporting the face of Winston Churchill, with a plaid, calf length skirt and what can only be described as walking boots threaded with starry laces. I must say, this one was my first challenge! I loved her dearly no matter what she wore, but it was difficult to want to see her in public places. Shopping with her was a nightmare too. She was adamant that she would not wear trousers (except the jodhpurs stored away in her wardrobe from her horse riding days), she was adamant she would not wear colour. So strictly black and white and strictly skirted. Hmm. School uniform anyone?

Enter me. The force to be reckoned with. Now we see a beautiful young woman, allowing all who pass a glimpse of her perfect hour glass figure in a knee skimming Aline dress. And by the way, it is navy blue and covered in flowers of pinks, blues, greens, yellows and reds. Beautiful. What shoes does she where with this strapless party number? Why turquoise stilettos of course. Lesson learnt. Next project.

It is all very well giving fashion advice to your best friends, but I want to be bigger than that. I want to style the models and the celebs. The ones that look fab in everything but need me to transform a little black dress into this seasons must have look with shoes the colour of Quality Streets and clutch bags that contrast yet compliment. That is who I will be.

Now....

...where did I put that opportunity?